Okay, I am finally returning to my project post. I have been working really hard on implementing some of Plowman's ideas on parenting and have seen some improvement in our house. Plowman's basic premise is that you can teach a child to behave outwardly, but if you haven't reached the child's heart, you have failed. She uses a story about a little boy being asked to sit down, and after much cajoling and threats, he sits, but says that he is still standing on the inside. The story is funny until you ponder the implications. I have two very different little girls, and I have already seen evidence of little seeds of resentment taking hold in my oldest child when she feels that she has been treated unfairly. I have watched my youngest thrust her chin the the air in direct defiance (honestly, it just doesn't seem possible at her young age, but Patrick and I witness it again and again!). The Bible, after telling children to honor their parents, cautions parents to not exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4). It goes on to say that we are to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Plowman put this verse into perspective for me. She states that when we discipline children without showing them a way out, we are exasperating. For example, today, Alaina told me there had been a problem at preschool. The conversation followed like this:
"What was the problem, Alaina?"
"somebody pushed."
I, very seriously, asked "Were you the one that pushed?"
"No!" (She was indignant) "It was [name of child]."
I then asked, "Who did he push?"
"Me."
"Was he upset with you?"
"No, he just wanted to get past me."
"What happened to [name of child]?"
"He got a time-out."
(Here is the important part!) "What should have [name of child] done instead of pushing you?"
Alaina answered, "He should have said 'excuse me.'"
This is the most recent example, and it wasn't my child, though I could write about a million blog posts on examples relating directly to her! But the important part is still the same. Plowman says that parents not only should identify the wrong, or sinful behavior, but teach the child what should have been done instead. She describes this as "reproofing" and "encouraging." The reproofing involves "taking off" a bad behavior, and the encouraging is showing the child how to put on a good behavior. The Lord promises us that he will not bring a temptation into our lives that we cannot bear up under, and that He will always show us a way out (1 Cor. 10:12-14). When we, as parents, don't show our children a way out, we exasperate them.
Now, back to the example. One of the things I am happy about today is that I used a series of what Plowman calls "heart-probing questions" to get to the bottom of the preschool problem. She indicates that it is far more important for a parent to know where their child is coming from than for their child to know where the parent is coming from. So, I am happy about using those questions to teach Alaina to think like a Christian. Unfortunately, I didn't meet the mark on following through. What I should have done, after establishing how the other child should have behaved, was ask Alaina about forgiveness. I should have followed up by asking her heart questions on whether or not she forgave [name of child] for pushing her. And then I could have used that conversation as an opportunity to share the gospel. So, I still have some work to do. Right now, I am happy with the current progress. I will keep updating as we go along. I highly recommend Ginger Plowman's book, Don't Make Me Count to Three!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Ezekiel
I am reading in Ezekiel, and I will be honest, I have some trouble with the prophets of the Old Testament. Although I understand that God would not have included these accounts if they weren't valuable, occasionally (especially at 6:30 in the morning) I have trouble seeing the application to my life. Yesterday I felt like I experienced a little transcendental understanding, at least for my stubborn soul. Specifically, I was reading Ezekiel 11-15. In these chapters, per usual, everyone was being condemned for their faithlessness. Again. Sitting in my recliner in my cozy living room, I am feeling a little irritated with these Israelites. For heaven's sake, they are already in captivity in Babylon because they lost track of who God is. And now, they are falling into the same traps. Different city, same people, same story. And then I started to get it.
The fall of man is played out over and over and over again in the Bible. God creates a paradise for Adam and Eve. They sin. Now they are in unfamiliar territory, outside of the garden. This story repeats itself continually up until Christ's coming. Noah builds himself a boat and sails out of familiar and plunges into unfamiliar. Literally. Abraham picks up his walking stick and makes a trek away from what he knows into something only promised. And the Israelites. Goodness. It feels like they never stop moving. God fulfills the promise to Abraham, only to have the Israelites sin and leave familiar behind again and again. And, here we are. We are believers, Christians. We really can't claim a familiar at all, or we shouldn't. We are in our unfamiliar. And it is here that God calls us to obedience, in our Babylon.
So back to Ezekiel, with the stubborn Israelites. I realized that when everything is stripped away, and when we allow ourselves to see God's black and white, there really are only two ways that bring about our fall. False prophets and idolatry. And, yet again, that comes directly back to Eden. False prophet, the serpent. The snake tempted Eve by telling her what she wanted to hear. The very thing Ezekiel condemns in chapter 13. The prophets lulled the people into a sense of self-assurance, or in Biblical terms, complacency. The people did know best, they should just trust what their hearts are telling them. And then, idolatry. Adam and Eve found the Tree of Knowledge to be a little more important that day than their Heavenly Father, and thus created an idol.
I feel like when you look at it that specifically, it becomes so paramount to really, really guard your ears. Eve's downfall, followed by countless others in the Bible, came because she listened to God-less advice. She allowed it to worm its way in and take up residence. Those words took up so much space in her heart (the wellspring of her life) that it shoved out her love for God. And then her attention turned somewhere else. Something else that would make her happier, like the snake promised.
Are we any different? The Israelites certainly weren't. They surrounded themselves with prophets that only spoke lies. But the lies made them feel good. Then, when their love of God was shoved enough to the side, they replaced God with various items/people/statues/whatever. And then, committed sins against God that they would never have imagined committing. Ezekiel compares their faithlessness to famous evil cities, like Sodom and Gomorrah, and declares Israel's sin worse! And the truth is, their sins probably weren't worse. It was that the Israelites KNEW BETTER, and that makes it worse. They knew their history. They knew how Eve fell. They had seen God directly and indirectly intervene generation after generation.
WE have seen God move, generation after generation. We know our history. We KNOW BETTER. Who are we listening to? And are those words creating more space in our heart to follow our Lord and obey? Or are those words shoving God out? If those words are shoving God to the side, our next step will be idolatry. It is never any different. Today, I am spending some time reflecting on what in my life I have allowed to become more important than my Heavenly Father, and what I am listening to that allows the idolatry to take place. I am in the unfamiliar, in my Babylon, surrounded by false prophets. And I want, no, need, only to obey.
The fall of man is played out over and over and over again in the Bible. God creates a paradise for Adam and Eve. They sin. Now they are in unfamiliar territory, outside of the garden. This story repeats itself continually up until Christ's coming. Noah builds himself a boat and sails out of familiar and plunges into unfamiliar. Literally. Abraham picks up his walking stick and makes a trek away from what he knows into something only promised. And the Israelites. Goodness. It feels like they never stop moving. God fulfills the promise to Abraham, only to have the Israelites sin and leave familiar behind again and again. And, here we are. We are believers, Christians. We really can't claim a familiar at all, or we shouldn't. We are in our unfamiliar. And it is here that God calls us to obedience, in our Babylon.
So back to Ezekiel, with the stubborn Israelites. I realized that when everything is stripped away, and when we allow ourselves to see God's black and white, there really are only two ways that bring about our fall. False prophets and idolatry. And, yet again, that comes directly back to Eden. False prophet, the serpent. The snake tempted Eve by telling her what she wanted to hear. The very thing Ezekiel condemns in chapter 13. The prophets lulled the people into a sense of self-assurance, or in Biblical terms, complacency. The people did know best, they should just trust what their hearts are telling them. And then, idolatry. Adam and Eve found the Tree of Knowledge to be a little more important that day than their Heavenly Father, and thus created an idol.
I feel like when you look at it that specifically, it becomes so paramount to really, really guard your ears. Eve's downfall, followed by countless others in the Bible, came because she listened to God-less advice. She allowed it to worm its way in and take up residence. Those words took up so much space in her heart (the wellspring of her life) that it shoved out her love for God. And then her attention turned somewhere else. Something else that would make her happier, like the snake promised.
Are we any different? The Israelites certainly weren't. They surrounded themselves with prophets that only spoke lies. But the lies made them feel good. Then, when their love of God was shoved enough to the side, they replaced God with various items/people/statues/whatever. And then, committed sins against God that they would never have imagined committing. Ezekiel compares their faithlessness to famous evil cities, like Sodom and Gomorrah, and declares Israel's sin worse! And the truth is, their sins probably weren't worse. It was that the Israelites KNEW BETTER, and that makes it worse. They knew their history. They knew how Eve fell. They had seen God directly and indirectly intervene generation after generation.
WE have seen God move, generation after generation. We know our history. We KNOW BETTER. Who are we listening to? And are those words creating more space in our heart to follow our Lord and obey? Or are those words shoving God out? If those words are shoving God to the side, our next step will be idolatry. It is never any different. Today, I am spending some time reflecting on what in my life I have allowed to become more important than my Heavenly Father, and what I am listening to that allows the idolatry to take place. I am in the unfamiliar, in my Babylon, surrounded by false prophets. And I want, no, need, only to obey.
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